More Equal

The police force protects us. Can the same thing be said of the police union? Not according to Athena Newflower, a recent graduate from Oxford University. Athena has a lengthy resume and honours standing to prove she is qualified for interesting and challenging jobs in the police force. The only thing that is holding her back from success is that she is not from Cleveland. The union has a Cleveland quota, which Athena does not fit. Therefore, all the promotions go to a bumbling idiot named Frig Moronoschmidt, who keeps getting advanced in Athena's stead. Athena's red-necked co-workers do not make things any easier. Being the only educated person in the building, Athena is treated like an outsider. She is bullied by the union members with seniority, including a loud-mouth shrew who makes it part of her daily routine to lodge formal complaints against people. The other woman is an eighty-eight year old pervert who uses her seniority as an excuse to turn off her switchboard and read erotica under her desk.

The only friend that Athena has in the union is her staff sergeant, affectionately nicknamed Joe the Beloved. Joe does everything he can to get Athena promoted to a fulfilling job, but regardless of his efforts, the red tape forces Athena to continue answering phones. Even Joe, the perpetual optimist, becomes disillusioned with the union. Meanwhile, the few hard workers there are in the force are mysteriously disappearing behind an elusive, red door.


  • ATHENA NEWFLOWER: Contractor for the Kroy City Police
  • YESSIE PUPPET: Assistant Manager of Human Resources
  • HILDA GLUTTON: Manager of Human Resources
  • JOE 'THE BELOVED' STANLEY: A desk sergeant
  • HELENA HANDBASKET: A union member
  • PRUDENCE GROANING: An elderly union member
  • FRIG MORONOSCHMIDT: An incompetent union member